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Friday, September 12th, 2003
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Hey folks. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) buddha_say is over. I'm taking off and starting over. New Journal.
grittytumulto
Add me. You love me. You want me. You just can't have me- unless, you add me.
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Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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I'm not cutting this. If you don't want to read this, you probably don't even like me. You shouldn't even be reading my journal if you don't want to read about this experience. So, on my short temper, tired mind, and irritation at some of the events I'm about to describe, FUCK OFF if you feel I should cut this. I won't.
Getting There
Was pretty amusing. Jacqui drove to Ellensberg, I drove four miles and made Mike drive. I hate Jacqui's car. We had Arby's in Ellensberg, and donuts and oreos from othello, as well as huge fountain sodas. We had to pee a lot.
Got to North Bend and had to use the men's bathroom. This would not be the first time over our trip that we had to use the men's bathroom. But more on that later. I drove from North Bend to Seattle. We freaked out a little but found it no problem, and within a bit we were parked. Got there at about 8:00.
The Social Distortion fans were kinda weird... Nah. They were rowdy and drunk, which was to be expected. So after Mike hooked up with Jeff and Angela (Angela's Music), Jacqui and I went to Subway around the corner and kicked it for a while. The Subway boy was pretty, and he could tell we were giggling at him. Oh well. :) I wrote a poem for him which I'll post later. Jacqui used the men's bathroom here, too. What is it with the Seattle-area women's bathrooms being out of service?
After that, we wandered for a while,looking for more bathrooms. Didn't find any. This was bad. Talked to some street musicians. The guitarist wasn't bad, all the other guys beating on the case with drum sticks sucked, and the singer would have been good with some vocal training. They were all stoned.
Coming Next... The Girls from Bremerton, aka, Who's On First?
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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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Friday, September 5th, 2003
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( The best fiction comes from within. And the best fan fiction stars the author. Haha. )
Also, some notes on the story and little disclaimer:
I don't know Hanson, and I hardly know anything about Hanson. This story is bullshit, AKA: Fiction. I made it up. I don't even pretend to be affiliated with hanson other than being a street team and h.net member. So. bugger off with the "you lie" complaints. No shit I lie. I'm a writer.
IRL: I have no idea at Isaac's status of sexual conduct or misconduct. It's none of my damn business. It makes for a great plot mover though. Everyone likes sex. Everyone likes to be angry about sex. It works. I am only guessing at personalities, and no, I don't think Ike is a big fat asshat. I happen to think he's the most personable and down-to-earth member of the band. Zac=The New Taylor, Ike's supposed promiscuity, and a few other mentions are all kudos to the lovely gossip in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) hanson.
WARNING: I swear in this story. We all swear in this story. We have all heard Hanson swear before, and so I'm not about to censor it and pretend they don't in this. Especially not in THIS situation.
Oh, also, as far as I know they don't have plans for a companion book, and since I said it first, I should get royalties if they DO come out with one. :D Kidding. I wouldn't mind writing it for them, though, and even for less than $25000. :) I'd settle for $20000. Ha!
Anyway. I think that's all I have to say. I don't care how realistic this is. I'm having fun dammit. Comment if you feel the need, but if you're unnecessarily critical, or take this too seriously, I will probably let loose the hounds of hell and some of Pandora's magically delicious goodness on your ass.
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Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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I know, I'm spamming your friends page. I am tired, my feet hurt, I'm gonna go curl up with Mr. Bukowski and suck my thumb.
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I will eventually get around to the rest of those lyrical analyses, but in the mean time, I just wanted to make a quick update.
Movie Reviews
The Quiet American
Brendan Frasier, Michael Caine
Based on the Graham Greene book of the same name, the story in this film is pretty damn good. I've always hated Brendan Frasier, and this didn't really improve my opinion of him (actually, the only film I ever liked of his was Blast From the Past, and the first time I saw The Mummy I wasn't TOO bothered). However, I ADORE Michael Caine, and he was wonderful in the role of Thomas Wolfe, a British journalist in 1950's politically chaotic Vietnam. The story is wonderful, as I said, but takes a while to get off the ground until all of a sudden it's going at lightening speed. I really enjoyed this, though I don't think I want to own it. It's worth a rental.
Tuck Everlasting
Jonathan Jackson, Alexis Bledel
Once again, an actor I'm not very fond of- Jonathan Jackson. Though I will admit I liked him in this. I was also shocked to see Scott Bairstow (from Wild America in this). This is based on the novel of the same name, and the story is predictable but nice. I cried pretty hard at the end. Old lessons about life and death and how to live sort of resurfaced and reiterated, but nicely. Fountain of Youth, and all that.
About a Boy
Hugh Grant (who cares who else is in it?)
I love Hugh Grant. I think he's charming, dapper, boyish, handsome- I buy into the complete package that his publicist has created. I also think he's a wonderful actor, very heartfelt even if he does pretty much end up playing the same damn character all the time, whether it's in spats and a crevat or in jeans and a tee shirt. About a Boy is based on a Nick Hornby book, so right away you know it's going to rock. The story is touching, I love the kid in it (which you all know takes an act of God, and makes this the second kid in hollywood that I actually like- the first being the young lady in I Am Sam. The kid from Bringin Down the House who was also in some really cheesy but kinda cute dog movie a year or three ago is growing on me also.) ANYWAY I've seen this movie several times already and actually would like to own it, if anyone would like to get it for me.
If you haven't seen it, DO.
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( First, a Hanson survey )
On another note, I look around at our world today and I think, my God, did I have to be born in this age? I hate the world we live in, and all I want to do is love (my) life. This will become an interesting balance.
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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
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I watched a Gwyneth Paltrow film tonight called "Posession"- I recommend it to all, but particularly those of you who love poetry, romance, and English people. lol viola_cesario, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you already owned this film. It made me laugh and hope and cry and most importantly,
It made me want to love again.
I've been watching LOTR 1&2 a lot lately- various members of the family keep wanting to see it (I only saw the last half, I only saw the first, I didn't get to watch it, why didn't you guys wait for me?) and I keep seeing it with them. And overwhelmingly (besides the blatant Christian allegorical representation in plot and characters, which is another journal entry altogether), I keep feeling absolutely bombarded with the concept of hope in the midst of hopelessness.
And I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting over the past few days, and I want to know... Where is the little girl who used to yell at old men for killing robins? Where is the young scholar who learned to love books because she first learned to prize virtues and goodness and romance and truth above all else, and books were the only reliable source of continual support for this optimistic delusion? Where is the young woman who swore to God and herself that she would never lose the ability to have faith in love, because love is everything in this pathetic, short little life we are given?
Read this and know me. Somewhere, locked inside my mind which happens to be the unfortunate casing around my heart (I'm going to fail anatomy the next time I take it), is a woman who believes in intangibles, a woman who is heroic and is not only willing to but cannot see any other path but to fight for the things she believes in. And she believes, wholeheartedly and singlemindedly in them.
We all are constantly searching for who we are, constantly trying to know ourselves.
Read this and know me:
I am a woman who would give her life for love, a woman who would rather face shame than dishonesty, a woman who believes that hope is gold and wealth is a shambles outside of honest hard work.
Read this and know me: I am a woman who believes that discipline is the road to self-fulfillment because going easy on oneself creates a soft brain, and a soft brain is best put to use yelling at children and puzzling over new appliances. I am a woman who has transcended the petty troubles of self-image in search of higher calling, higher purpose, higher meaning than how I look or feel or appear to others or even to myself, because I know now that how I appear to God is more important than all of that.
Read this and know me: I am a woman who has nothing to prove to anyone but herself and that self is a tough critic but not unappeasable. I am a woman who thirsts after life, gets high on giving peace, comfort, and guidance, and finds rest in familiar words and places. I am a woman who is not afraid to be alone, but who is not afraid to be together, either.
Read this, and know me. I am a woman who is triumphant, who is independent, who is valiant and just and noble.
Read this, and know me. There is no truer, no clearer picture of my character than in this. I am a woman who thirsts after the heart and mind of God, who aspires to be near to holiness, who is obsessed and utterly consumed by a need to fulfill my calling of honor.
Read this, and know me.
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Sunday, August 31st, 2003
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A Quick Note
Journal will no longer be friends only. I don't think anyone will bother me any longer, and if they do... Monica will flame them. Hahaha.
On Writing (What Else?)
Sometimes, I wonder who I think I'm shitting. I'm a terrible writer. Don't IM me and say I'm not- I am entitled to my own opinion about myself, am I not? I have terrible writing habits- I only write in brief frenzies that usually burn themselves out before I've finished writing anything. I can't discipline myself for anything. I have no original ideas, in fact, very few unoriginal ideas. I hate listening to people talk about finding their voice because when I write it looks nearly exactly like I talk, and I hate that. I hate that I suck.
Furthermore, I've completely distanced myself from writing supplements, people talking about writing, writing this and that, etc etc... And I claim it's because it's pretensious and because I think I've learned all that other people can teach me but to be honest, I think it's because I feel hypocritical for joining in.
What have I written? A couple short stories, some bitchy poetry, and a 28-chapter Nsync fan fiction novel (written before I was even a fan, mind you) when I was 14.
That was five years ago, ladies and gentlemen, and right now, I'd rather be the pot-smoking long-winded 2800-some page dreary novelist played by Michael Douglass in Wonder Boys than so antiprolific that I can't even write fan fiction.
Fan fiction. It's not even literature! And I'm stressing about it! Maybe because in some way, in my mind it represents the "easy" stuff. It represents something that any idiot can do- no offense to those fan-ficcers reading my journal, but honestly. It doesn't take a lot of skill, character development, or maturity to write "And then Nick Carter kissed me". And I, Meghan, the life-long writer (whatever).. I can't.
These thoughts are pretty much sapping me of any strength I might have regained today, but I had a lot of time to sit around, watch TV, and think. And that, in a nutshell- a pretty big sized nutshell, but nonetheless, a nutshell- is what I thought. And of course, I still hold the same opinion as earlier today.
So Now What?
I don't like having What To Do moments. I never have been good at handling not knowing my own plans for the future. I think this small town is getting to me. I'm excited to move to Seattle, I don't care what I do with my life so long as I'm out and on my own and not destitute.
I mean... I do care. But I just don't know. I don't know if what I want is realistic. I'm tired of my friends telling me that I can write, when they haven't even SEEN anything I've written in the past several years! Because I haven't even seen anything I've written in the past several years!! I don't know anything, I'm pretty sure of that, but beyond that... Gosh, who knows.
I'm just gonna go marry a Hanson and start having babies. At least then I know I'll be taken care of and respected, if nothing else.
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Thursday, August 21st, 2003
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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General asshats
Circle I Limbo Scientologists
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind Rednecks
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow The New York Yankees
Circle IV Rolling Weights Republicans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx Oakland Raider Fans
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas George Bush
Circle VII Burning Sands DMV Employees
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell |
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Sunday, August 17th, 2003
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On Distractions of the Male Persuasion
Well, I tried writing this. The first time, I got distracted because I had to hustle to get my H.net HCL application in. ( And because I promised I'd cut this )
The second time, I freaked because I saw that novacat was online- for about the first time in, oh, 5 months. That's not even an overexaggeration. He's been a bit of a ragamuffin on and off, so he's finally back and I missed him. (This is the moment where a humongous hug would be inserted, but yeah, this is my journal, not a face-to-face conversation.) He's planning on moving to New Zealand, is working four jobs (psycho), and dyed his hair blue. And just for the record, I know you're keeping something from me, David, and so help me I will throw your fish onto dry land if you don't fess up sooner or later. *sweet smile*
Anyway, those two reasons are why I didn't post sooner.
On Possibly Getting My Ass Fired
Yeah, so remember how I was just gonna call in Saturday and claim a personal day and miss that day at work?
Well, I did half of that. (The missing work part.) I forgot to call in until this morning (yikes!) and that could be grounds for firing me. I didn't get to talk to MY assistant manager yet, or my department manager, but right now I am so not enthused about going back to work tomorrow and dealing with whatever springs up. Ew! EWW!
On The Other Hand...
I might be getting a new job. A local veterinarian needs a secretary. Their office hours are from 8-5 Monday through Friday. I would have to get that one Wednesday off for the H----- concert, and hopefully he'd also give me the two days off for the art show, but all in all I think it would be perfect. Weekends off! Predictable hours! Probably better pay than Wal-mart! Maybe even benefits! Those who pray, do so. Now. Those who don't... You suck. Send me warm wishes and crossed fingers or something (not that I see their use).
On The Beach Boys
Yeah, I saw them. Yeah, they rocked, as in, really rocked, as in, whoa, those old guys can rock. The guitar soloist... Couldn't see him clearly but he looked A: really young, and B: kinda cute. Dunno, probably was old like all the rest but he didn't move like it and he was incredible on the guitar. Oh well!
Anyway, it was a gorgeous night down by the pier, and I had a grand ole time. I also saw "Updown Girls" with Brittany Murphy and that little girl from "I Am Sam"-- thought it wasn't too bad, wanted to punch the Aussie guy, and thought she could have done better, but no worries. Was entertaining. Also went on a seven mile walk from some town all the way out to Chateau St. Michelle and back. I love that place. I could live there.
On What You're All Waiting to Hear About
( Northwest College )
There is probably more I could talk about, but I promised Mike I'd meet him at the track at eleven, and it's three till.
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Thursday, August 14th, 2003
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( First, a survey )
Now. I am going to be in Seattle for the weekend and won't return until sometime mid-to-late Sunday afternoon. I'm seeing the Beach Boys on Saturday, am going to laze around and try to relax and read some of that Ethan Hawke stuff I picked up.
In the mean time, any Seattle fansons trying to get ahold of me can email me at grittytumulto@hanson.net and I will be more than happy to email you back when I get back. I'm also going to check out where the Showbox is, see about parking, late-night lighting, safety issues, etc, and I'll make sure that I post this in hanson, so if anyone's curious about the locale of The Showbox Theatre in Seattle, that's where I'll be posting it on Sunday or Monday.
In the mean time, I finished a short story yesterday and while I will not be posting it in my journal, if you would like to read it, please either say so in the comments or email me, grittytumulto @ either yahoo.com or hanson.net. I can either email you a copy or if you're the type who likes to read printed stuff, I can mail it to you. You know the basic deal.
Anyway, I've left the dye on my hair for 12 minutes past the maximum amount of time, so I'd better go take care of that before it all falls out of my head. Don't forget to post new and interesting things! I'll make sure to update about Northwest, the Beach Boys, and some interesting college stuff I figured out when I get back.
Until then, have a great weekend everyone!
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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
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And yes, girlwiththebook, gray kittens do sob. It's not just the pruple ones.
Anyway. I'm considering taking my journal friends only. I'm tired of a certain asshole or two continually thrusting their opinion in my face when they've already been defriended and still don't get it. I will ponder on it.
In the mean time, tonight's plans are for 500 crunches and 2 miles around the track, since I ended up not going last night. I am such a slacker- I also had a poptart today, which is SO not good, but I was hungry, and nevertheless I got on the scale after I got home, late afternoon, poptart, diet coke and everything (fully clothed even) and weighed less than yesterday.
And, Dad noticed I was losing weight, and since he hardly even notices I'm alive anymore, I guess it's becoming obvious. Which is a very good thing for Miss Meghan.
My goal for Hanson (and if not that, cause I'm spending a lot on that already, then the October art show) is to be able to wear a flattering pair of jeans. Something that doesn't cut off at the ankle, bunch up around the crotch, or make me look 45. Something I could even wear a belt with, or wrap a scarf around, or something. I am also going to finish the hair project before then- haircut (soon, I want to be able to grow it out if I hate it), dye blonde again and then add maroon or red or pink later.
For those of you who are faithfully reading and getting tired of slogging through weight-loss and Hanson issues (and more importantly, thinking i'm a little psychotic for tying the two up together in my mind), I promise that as of my next post I will begin LJ-cutting them.
I did, however, get my ticket today, and I will scan it and post a pic on here later. I'll probably crosspost it to hanson as well, just cause it's cool.
And now, I need to give a few shoutouts, because I've friended numerous people lately and haven't even bothered to mention them. So.
Hello and welcome, and everyone else go friend the following:
cdmeggers
forsakenbeauty who also made two lovely icons for me
rueishness
julyfawn
margeauxmarit
pwopah
wingflutter
To all of you lovely kitties, again I say welcome.
You know what I want? I want the type of friendships where no matter where I go, if I become a hobo the door is always open and the sofa's always free for me. The type of friendships where they'll send me a condolence card if a fish dies. The type of friendships in which you don't have to be best friends to appreciate the value of a close conversation and the value of each other's friendships.
Yeah. That's what I want.
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Monday, August 11th, 2003
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Well, I spent about an hour in the shower today. I found out we have like 12 face washes, so I just decided to use them all. I now have a better idea of what each one does, a very clear idea of exactly where all four items of acne are on my face, and a little bit of soreness when i crinkle my nose.
Guess I shouldn't have used that many- I probably chemically burned my face.
But it feels clean!
Also, I went and got my new glasses today. They're Nicole Miller "Capri" frames, in noir. I like them quite a bit. I think they are quite mod. I'm going to start rubbing a little bit of a salicylic acid face cleanser on the bridge of the nose part, because wearing glasses always gives me little blackheads across the bridge of my nose where my glasses sit. Argh. Obnoxious.
I went jogging last night- a full quarter mile before i slowed down. This is a good start, as I've not exercised really at all since way before I left Las Vegas.
As for Hanson, I've heard some good and some bad things. Good: the concerts rock, Natalie (Taylor's wife) and Kate (Zac's girlfriend) have been along on the tour, Isaac is currently single, and the meet-n-greets have been spectacular. Bad: fans are being really, really rude to each other, pushing and shoving, pulling hair, swearing at each other... Just acting completely juvenile and ridiculous. I mean, come on! This is a club tour! This means there aren't that many people there, and therefore no reason to be so pushy. Everyone has an equal and fair opportunity to see them and hear them. I say people just knock it off.
In the next several weeks I need to:
-Begin my Super-Secret Alanis Morissette Writing Project (guess it's not so super-secret then, is it?)
-Clear up my face (it's really not bad now, but i want it to be flawless and stop peeling right around my left eyebrow. ugh.)
-lose as much weight as possible (today, i've had sugar free jello. and a 44 oz. diet coke)
-become more flexible/in shape/athletic
-dye my hair blonder
-get a hair cut
-buy some new makeup (the old stuff just isn't cutting it anymore
-find something to wear for the concert, and something to wear for the art show in October.
Actually, I can put off finding the art show outfit. I want it to be something totally mod and chic and ubercool, something to knock socks off, etc. But I also want to wait to get as close to the time as possible before doing this because I want it to fit well.
In the mean time, the library is going to kill my ass if I don't get some stuff back to them soon, and I work tomorrow.
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re: Being "pissed off" at Hanson.
I don't think I have ever in my life been pissed off at Hanson. Nothing they do has made me angry, or disgruntled, or anything.
However, when I saw the original tour list and didn't see Seattle on there- the international capital of Rock'n'Roll for goodness sake, and of course, my closest city- I decided I'd email them.
I did not bitch Hanson out. I did not even complain. I just said that I was happy they were touring again, couldn't wait for the new album, and encouraged them to come to Seattle if they could because I knew that I and many other fans missed seeing them perform there. The last tour (in 2000) the closest they came was Portland, Oregon, and I couldn't go. So, I just wanted to let them know that I and many others were hoping they'd come.
THAT is what rueishness is talking about, though perhaps she put it in different words, and that is what I was referring to when I spoke to her. I encourage everyone, if you have a suggestion for Hanson, to email it to them, because they like hearing from their fans and they like to hear what suggestions and comments we have for them.
However, if you believe you are incapable of expressing your wishes or disgruntlements (I can't imagine having any but then, I'm spoiled because they're coming here next month) without being rude or unappreciative or bitchy, then I'd encourage you to just keep it to yourself (or in a community somewhere, haha).
There's no need to jump all over rueishness's back; she didnt mean to provoke a riot, and I hope this clears things up. No one is encouraging anyone to complain or bitch at Hanson! Please! They've got enough on their plates as it is. We (rueishness and I) are devout and loyal Hanson fans, and would never do or say anything to cause them more stress or dissatisfaction.
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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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Yeah, that would be me. The slacker.
Actually, I'm not terrible. Today I went with Ryan to Pullman and Moscow so he could see his new dorm and check out his new job. I came back and gave myself a manicure and pedicure, and had a long talk with mom.
Actually, it was more like a rant. And I never rant to my mother. It started as me talking about how stupid Weird James can be- he thinks concerts promote idol worship and pride issues with the musicians, and he also thinks that drums evoke demon spirits. Idiot. Anyway, I went from ranting about that, to ranting about the church in general, and eventually I started crying (crying, on Wellbutrin! At least I know this is a genuine emotion, not an imbalance in chemicals) about how confused and angry I am about religion, and God, and church people right now. It was weird- I don't usually open up to Mom like that. But it felt good to get it out of my system.
Now, the questions on my mind are:
1: What am I going to do with the rest of my life?
2: How can I truly get myself off the ground with this writing schtuff?>/b?
3: What is there to eat in the refrigerator?, and
4: What is the quickest way to lose a ton of weight in a month and then another month?
I am an idiot.
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Saturday, August 9th, 2003
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crazy.
tired.
awake.
creative.
amused.
melancholy.
indescribable.